


Jake: Discover pitch romance

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Black Romance, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Misogyny, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:52:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake is having some trouble with one of his dear friends, and turns to his patron manbro for advice. Cultural education ensues.</p><p>GT: Take my genial guide mr erisolsprite for example.<br/>uu: WHAT THE SHIT. KIND OF NAME IS THAT.<br/>GT: Hes a sprite dunderhead hence the “sprite” part!!!<br/>GT: Erisol is a mashup of the names of the trolls he used to be.<br/>GT: Anway he used to be quite the talker but lately hes gotten into this habit of wandering away from the conversation.<br/>uu: SOMEONE NOT WANTING TO CONTINUE TALKING TO YOU. WHAT A SHOCKER.<br/>GT: I know right!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jake: Discover pitch romance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ubiquitousLinguist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubiquitousLinguist/gifts).



> This is sort of a companion piece to [Dirk: Be shitty at staying dead](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1182030). No need to read that first though!

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
GT: *Sighs loudly*  
GT: Have you ever had a pal who was hard to understand?  
uu: WHY WOULD I HAVE A PAL. WHY WOULD I WANT A PAL?  
GT: Har har how droll of you.  
GT: I know you know have pals because you insisted that we be gay old pals. Nice try though friend.  
uu: BEING YOUR PATRON MANBRO ISN’T THE SAME AS BEING YOUR PAL.  
uu: I TRY TO BE GAY WITH YOU. ON ACCOUNT OF MY IMPORTANT ROLE. IN YOUR PATHETIC LIFE. BUT I’M NOT YOUR “PAL.”  
GT: Just because youre my patron manbro doesnt mean you cant be my pal.  
GT: Actually id like to think that friendship is the underlying force behind all other relationships wouldnt you?  
uu: NO.  
GT: Alright so maybe you wouldnt but amongst humans its quite normal i assure you.  
GT: Look at dirk and i! We were the best of bros before this whole romance business began.  
GT: *Tugs on collar*  
GT: Not that that ended up necessarily going in the best direction. At times i think perhaps it was misguided and we should have stayed bros...  
GT: Dont say any of this to him mind you!  
GT: Argh i just need to vent a bit you know?  
GT: For my patron manbro you sure are being quiet!  
GT: First jane then you whos next? Everyones losing their pleasantly chatty personalities. Even mr erisol which was actually my original point.  
GT: I should get back on track for when you return though. You mustve wandered off for a moment since youve gone so quiet so let me know when you amble back in!  
uu: I DIDN’T LEAVE. I JUST COULDN’T BE BOTHERED. TO LISTEN TO ALL YOUR SHIT.  
GT: Well im aware that i ramble a bit but you could really do me a favor here bro and give me a bit of advice.  
GT: I seem to be grasping for straws yet im standing at an empty straw dispenser! Theres nothing for me to get no matter how many times i jiggle the little lever thingie.  
GT: Worse theres nary a staff person around to ask to refill the blasted thing.  
GT: So instead im rifling around behind the counter myself feeling rather awkward but a gents gotta do what a gents gotta do.  
uu: STRAWS ARE FOR LOSERS.  
uu: REAL MEN DON’T USE STRAWS.  
GT: Uh alrighty then. Maybe the metaphor got away from you as much as it did from me?  
GT: What am i saying of course it didnt get away from me.  
GT: Im friends with dirk for petes sake! Ive got more experience in metaphor wrangling in my sixteen years of life than most people see in sixty.  
GT: *Twirls distinguished mustache*  
uu: KEEP YOUR GHASTLY FURRED UPPER LIP AWAY FROM ME.  
GT: Only if you help a lad out and give me some advice here!  
uu: NO.  
GT: Cmon thats what bros do!  
uu: I DON’T CARE.  
GT: Thats not very gay of you!  
GT: We pledged to be as gay as possible to each other didnt we? Are you backing out of that pledge?  
GT: Have you changed your mind about being gay together?  
uu: UGH. FINE.  
uu: WHAT’S YOUR STUPID PROBLEM?  
GT: If you dont even know what it is how can you say its stupid hmm?  
GT: I think you were listening more than you let on.  
uu: NO. I JUST USE MY. WHAT’S THE WORD.  
uu: “INTUITION.”  
uu: AND SINCE IT’S YOU.  
uu: I CAN SAFELY “INTUIT” THAT IT’S GOING TO BE SOMETHING STUPID.  
uu: BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS PRETTY STUPID.  
GT: Once again youre not being very gay.  
GT: Unless this is another instance of you being sporting in your cultures way. Im terrible at keeping that straight whoops!  
uu: DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM. OR DO YOU WANT TO KEEP RAMBLING.  
uu: AND SOUNDING STUPIDER. AND STUPIDER. AND STUPIDER.  
uu: IT’S A VORTEX OF STUPIDITY. I’M AT RISK OF GETTING SUCKED IN.  
uu: BECAUSE IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.  
GT: Alright cool your jets ill get on to my problem!  
GT: So you mightve heard me say earlier (and im sure you did you sly dog dont try to deny it) that friends havent been quite as well friendly lately!  
GT: Take my genial guide mr erisolsprite for example.  
uu: WHAT THE SHIT. KIND OF NAME IS THAT.  
GT: Hes a sprite dunderhead hence the “sprite” part!!!  
GT: Erisol is a mashup of the names of the trolls he used to be.  
GT: Anway he used to be quite the talker but lately hes gotten into this habit of wandering away from the conversation.  
uu: SOMEONE NOT WANTING TO CONTINUE TALKING TO YOU. WHAT A SHOCKER.  
GT: I know right!  
GT: Okay so hes always wandered away in past conversations too but usually it took longer and he waited until a more opportune moment!  
GT: Hes a sprite so im sure theres a lot going on in his head that im not quite in tune with so i try my best to be understanding of course.  
uu: WHEN YOU TWO DO TALK. WHAT SORTS OF THINGS DOES HE SAY?  
GT: Oh he loves to try to get my goat with insults har har!  
GT: Youd get along with him splendidly actually.  
GT: He also takes the insults as fondness route.  
uu: BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU. HE’S NOT ANOTHER DUMB HUMAN.  
GT: Yeah as i said hes a troll or rather he was two trolls at one point.  
GT: Whats that got to do with his insults as fondness. Are you suggesting its a cultural thing?  
uu: CONSIDERING HOW MUCH YOU ALL BITCH ABOUT INSULTS. IT’S SOME SORT OF CULTURAL THING.  
GT: Hey some humans do josh each other in a friendly fashion.  
uu: YOU’RE SURE THE TROLLSPRITE’S LOATHING IS “FRIENDLY”?  
GT: What as opposed to what normal human non friendly loathing?  
uu: NO. AS OPPOSED TO ROMANTIC LOATHING. OBVIOUSLY.  
uu: NOT THAT I SEE WHY ANYONE WOULD EVER. FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS YOU.  
uu: BUT YOU’RE THICK ENOUGH THAT IF THAT WAS THE CASE. THERE’S NO WAY YOU’D REALIZE IT HAHAHA.  
GT: Hey now thats a little harsh dont you think?  
uu: NO.  
GT: So you dont think hahaha!  
uu: WOW. THAT’S INTENSELY LAME. EVEN FOR YOU.  
GT: Nope youre just a capital killjoy sir.  
uu: SHUT UP.  
GT: Seriously though whats this piffle about romantic hate.  
uu: DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TROLL ROMANCE.  
uu: NOT THAT I KNOW ANYTHING. OTHER THAN STUPID THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY SISTER.  
uu: BUT FROM WHAT I UNWILLINGLY PICKED UP. THEIR ROMANCE BEARS SOME SIMILARITIES TO CHERUBS.  
GT: How so?  
uu: THEY HAVE FOUR QUADRANTS. WHICH IS THREE TOO MANY.  
uu: BUT UNLIKE HUMANS WHO HAVE ONLY ONE. AND THAT ONE IS ONE OF THE WRONG ONES. TROLLS EXPERIENCE CALIGINOUS EMOTION.  
GT: Huh?  
uu: HATELOVE. SPADES. KISMESSITUDE. PITCH.  
GT: Um…  
uu: UGH. I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU.  
uu: YOU’RE LUCKY. THAT I’M SUCH A GENEROUS PATRON MANBRO.  
uu: SOMETIMES ANIMOSITY JUST MEANS. THAT THEY HATE YOU.  
uu: SOMETIMES IT MEANS THAT THEY HATE YOU. BUT ALSO WANT TO MATE.  
uu: IF YOU’RE A WORTHY RIVAL.  
GT: What are you suggesting precisely?  
GT: That sir eriosl wants to mate with me?  
uu: WOW. NO.  
uu: I MEANT YOU IN THE VAGUE SENSE. LIKE SOMEONE YOU. NOT YOU YOU. BECAUSE YOU SPECIFICALLY ARE NOT. YOU’RE NOT A WORTHY RIVAL OF ANYONE.  
uu: NOT EVEN SOME LAME TROLL GHOST THING.  
GT: Wait what sorts of things exactly qualify as hate flirting?  
GT: Ive got to do my due diligence here and gather all the facts! Take a page out of good ol janeys book!  
GT: Shed be proud of me.  
uu: WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO IMITATE SOME WHORE.  
uu: YOU SHOULDN’T CARE WHAT WOULD MAKE HER PROUD. YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT WHAT WOULD MAKE ME. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. PROUD.  
GT: Your rather uncalled for language aside i think youre trying to distract me!  
GT: Cmon cough up whatever juicy insights you have.  
uu: WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN THIS. IS THIS TITILLATING FOR YOU? DO YOU WANT SOMEONE TO FLIRT WITH YOU? THAT’S SO *SICK.*  
GT: So sue me for wanting to know if my guide companion and latest bro is hitting on me! I must admit im already the teensiest bit slow on the uptake with that sort of thing if my experience tells me anything.  
GT: Then again maybe dirk was just sneaky about it. Thats just how the bloke is. But i really didnt see that one coming!  
GT: Once you throw in some differences between species romance well i think its best if i come armed with the twin pistols of knowledge and courtesy! Like a true worldly gentleman.  
GT: *Spins said pistols and gives a knowing wink*  
uu: WHAT.  
uu: YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY DOING THAT.  
GT: No its not a physical thing im doin you smart aleck!  
uu: THEN DON’T SAY IT.  
GT: ITS EMOTIVE!!!  
GT: Have you got a problem with it?  
uu: MY PROBLEM IS THAT IT’S DUMB. AND FALSE. BUT NOT FALSE IN A CLEVER WAY. HENCE DUMB.  
GT: *Rolls eyes*  
uu: I FORBID YOU TO DO THAT.  
GT: Whatever bro.  
GT: Cmon though seriously. What should i do?  
GT: I know! I need to confront this like the man i am!  
uu: THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA.  
GT: I appreciate your concern but you dont have to worry about me.  
GT: Its actually a swell idea. Ive been too passive i cant just let this slip by.  
GT: Youre not being quite as helpful as you could so theres only one way for me to uncover the information i need and thats by investigating myself!  
uu: YOU ARE A WORLD CLASS DUNCE.  
golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

JAKE: (*Wipes brow*)  
JAKE: Hey!  
ERISOLSPRITE: hey twwo you twwo, noww go awway.  
JAKE: Not so fast there mister!  
ERISOLSPRITE: oh my god wwhat the hell do you wwant now?  
ERISOLSPRITE: cant you let me wwallow iin my mii2ery wwiithout iinterruption?  
ERISOLSPRITE: iit2 bad enough wwiithout the 2pliitting headache ii get evvery time ii hear you 2o much a2 open your mouth.  
JAKE: (Oh wow hes being so forward. Im so glad my patron manbro educated me on this! I guess thats why hes my patron and all dispensing useful life advice!)  
ERISOLSPRITE: wwhy are you mumbliin twwo your2elf?  
JAKE: Wouldnt you like to know!  
JAKE: You dont know a lot of things you big dolt!  
ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat.  
JAKE: You heard me!  
JAKE: Youre a big dolt. The hugest dolt actually. Your doltiness is so big its blocking out the sun and plunging the world into an eternal winter of stupidity.  
ERISOLSPRITE: just wwhen ii thought you couldnt 2ound any dumber you provved me wwrong yet agaiin.  
ERISOLSPRITE: do you evven hear the moroniic 2hiit you 2peww? you 2ound wwor2e than ii do and iim a moody lowwblood ma2hed up wwiith a mii2erable seadwweller iin 2ome abomiination of a 2priite.  
ERISOLSPRITE: maybe not quiite wwor2e. ii know iim pretty fuckiin bad.  
ERISOLSPRITE: but at lea2t ii havve that 2elf-awarene22. you wwouldnt knoww wwhat 2elf-awarene22 wwa2 iif iit 2hovved you two the ground and 2tole your allowwance.  
JAKE: Youre so saucy i like that about you.  
JAKE: I mean i hate it about you!!! Your attitude is terrible just like you.  
JAKE: (Whew close call! Glad I caught myself there.)  
ERISOLSPRITE: are you tryiing twwo fliirt wwiith me?  
JAKE: No! I mean yes i am!  
JAKE: Absolutely you scumbag.  
ERISOLSPRITE: wwhere the fuck diid you get that bright iidea?  
JAKE: My patron manbro gave me a very educational lesson on the nature of kismessitude and i discovered i was a bit culturally insensitive to not realize before thats why you were trying to do!  
JAKE: But im always up for trying something different and well frankly things arent working out with dirk as id hoped…  
JAKE: Guh hes really a swell dude and id never want to betray his trust but spades are totally different than what i have with him. Doesnt count at all id think dont you?  
JAKE: Or should i say it doesnt matter why you think because youre despicable! Hah!  
ERISOLSPRITE: iif you were any more den2e youd 2pontaneou2ly collap2e iinto a black hole.  
JAKE: (Oooh good one!)  
ERISOLSPRITE: doe2nt your culture havve a concept of PLATONIIC HATE??  
ERISOLSPRITE: ye2 ii genuiinely hate you. yet ii havve ab2olutely no de2iire twwo be your kii2me2ii2. thii2 ii2 your iidea of a caliigiinou2 2park?  
ERISOLSPRITE: you cant ju2t throw a few iin2ult2 at 2omeone and expect twwo wwoo them twwo your black quadrant. that2 liike compliimenting 2omeone2 haiir and then sayiing that2 enough of a connectiion twwo go flushed wiith them.  
JAKE: That cant be right! My patron manbro knows all about kismessitude and from what he described what youve been doing for the past several weeks is right up that alley!  
ERISOLSPRITE: that2 the mo2t laughable thiing iivve evver heard.  
JAKE: Err…  
ERISOLSPRITE: fuck off iin the most un2exy way iimagiinable.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]  
GT: Your advice was complete and utter bollocks!!!  
uu: I DIDN’T GIVE YOU ADVICE.  
uu: THIS IS WHY. NO ONE SHOULD BOTHER EXPLAINING THINGS TO YOU.  
uu: YOU’RE TOO THICK FOR THEM TO PENETRATE YOU PROPERLY.  
GT: Look whos talking!  
uu: WHAT.  
GT: No offense but youre not exactly the sharpest knife in the kitchen drawer either!  
GT: And really im not nearly as dull as you think i am! If we didnt have our jocular relationship built up already id be insulted by the suggestion frankly.  
GT: There just seem to have been a few crossed wires somewhere considering mr erisols reaction.  
GT: He assured me that hes definitely not hateflirting but rather just despises me. Though im sure despise is quite an exaggeration haha.  
uu: YOU'RE EVEN STuPIDER THAN I THOUGHT.  
uu: HOW DO YOu EVEN MANAGE TO INSERT CANDY INTO YOUR SUGAR CHUTE.  
GT: Sugar chute now thats one i havent heard before.  
GT: Hmm well is denial part of blackrom? That would be rather hateful and sneaky wouldnt it.  
uu: ARE YOU LITERALLY. UNABLE TO COMPREHEND BASIC STATEMENTS.  
GT: Thats rather uncalled for bro.  
uu: BUT EVEN WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU THINGS DIRECTLY. YOU NEVER TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY.  
uu: IS IT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT EVERYONE HATES YOU?  
uu: WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR FAT BITCH FRIEND WON'T REPLY TO YOU.  
uu: BECAUSE YOU'RE COLOSSALLY RETARDED. AND NO ONE LIKES YOU.  
GT: ( _Ohhhhhh_ )  
GT: (Well that explains a lot! I'm such a silly for not realizing it sooner.)  
GT: (Looking at this again its as transparent as a freshly cleaned window pane id say!)  
uu: WHAT?  
GT: Haha coming on a little strong there arent you!  
uu: WHAT???  
GT: *Clears throat*  
GT: No one likes you either in fact i downright despise you!  
GT: I feel ill every time i think of your ugly face and every message from you makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out so i dont have to read your hideous lime words any more.  
uu: THAT IS. SUCH BULLSHIT.  
uu: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE.  
uu: BUT I HAVE SEEN YOU. AND YOu ARE THE MOST DISGUSTING CREATURE I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON.  
GT: Youve drawn art of us you nincompoop so yes i have an idea of what you look like.  
GT: Art which SUCKS by the way!!! I could draw something better with my left foot!  
uu: TAKE THAT BACK.  
GT: Hmm?  
uu: MY ART. IS FABULOUS.  
GT: No its really not.  
uu: IT ABSOLUTELY IS. YOU'RE JUST TOO STUPID TO APPRECIATE IT.  
GT: Your art looks like it was drawn by a toddler.  
uu: WHAT'S A TODDLER?  
GT: Someone whos bad at art but other people tell them its good because they feel bad for the toddler.  
uu: MY ART BEARS NO RESEMBLANCE. TO ANYTHING DRAWN BY A TODDLER.  
uu: IT ISN'T A MASTERPIECE. YET. BUT IT WILL BE.  
uu: I'M GETTING PRETTY GOOD.  
GT: Nope your art is dumb and youre dumb.  
uu: YOUR INSULTS ARE PATHETIC.  
GT: Im pretty sure i hit a nerve with telling you i hate your art.  
uu: YOu DO NOT. HATE MY ART.  
GT: Do too.  
uu: DO NOT.  
GT: Do too.  
uu: DO NOT.  
GT: Do too why do you think i didnt want to make it my phone background.  
uu: BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING COY. LIKE SOME SLUT.  
GT: That doesnt even make sense and no its because your art is shit.  
GT: Now whos in denial about straightforward statements?!  
uu: SHUT UP.  
GT: Nope im going to keep telling you that your art is terrible and so are you.  
GT: Look im even removing it as my phone background right now.  
uu: THAT'S IT.  
uu: I’M DONE. I AM NO LONGER. YOUR PATRON MANBRO.  
uu: YOU ARE COMPLETELY. UTTERLY. UNAPPRECIATIVE.  
uu: PLUS YOU ARE USELESS ANYWAY. WITH YOUR PATHETIC CLASS. AND TOTALLY MADE-UP ASPECT.  
uu: HOPE ISN'T A REAL THING. IT'S A PRETEND THING. FOR PEOPLE WHO AREN'T MANLY ENOUGH FOR THE TRUTH.  
GT: Bollocks you told me all about it and by jove it is real!  
uu: YOU AREN'T MANLY. JAKE. HOW DOES THAT TRUTH MAKE YOU FEEL.  
GT: *Laughs heartily and wipes away tears from corners of my eyes*  
GT: Im secure in my masculinity unlike yourself.  
GT: (Is this working for you? I admit im having a bit of trouble but a good verbal fisticuffs does quicken my heart a bit so i can work with it.)  
uu: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.  
GT: (Well i havent done any spades cybering before so im not sure on all the details.)  
uu: CYBERING???  
GT: Oh dear i figured youd learn that term from dirk. I certainly did quite a while ago actually.  
GT: Not that i think you wouldve done it with him like i did haha though no jealousy if you did mind you but seems like the concept wouldve at least come up since he said he was sharing lascivious material with you at one point.  
uu: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT THINGS. THAT I DON’T GET.  
GT: You know like talking about sexy things or writing them out to get the other person a bit hot around the collar.  
GT: For regular human romance stuff it would be things like *I whip off my glasses and sink to my knees in front of you eyeing your majestic phallus hungrily*  
uu: THAT'S DISGUSTING. DO NOT EVER. USE ANY OF. THOSE WORDS. EVER. EVER. AGAIN.  
GT: What im not allowed to say "glasses" or "knees"?  
uu: I COMMAND YOU TO STOP TALKING.  
GT: You disowned me as your manbro patronee so i dont think you can command me.  
GT: I get it youre not into normal romance but i was just giving an example!  
uu: WOW THAT'S RACIST. "NORMAL"? HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT HUMANS MIGHT BE THE BIZARRE ONES?  
GT: I guess i should consider that huh.  
GT: But youre getting away from the question! Was that good for you? Before we got sidetracked of course.  
uu: I HAVE LITERALLY NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT STILL.  
GT: Was that good spades cybersex? Was it revving your engine? Sparking you sufficiently to get you to buttering your own biscuit?  
uu: I DON'T HAVE AN ENGINE. OR A BISCUIT.  
GT: *Reddens slightly* Oh come on now you cant pretend youve never heard any of those synonyms for masturbation.  
uu: WHAT'S MASTURBATION?  
GT: Sweet heavens to betsy alright i am not defining masturbation for you!!!  
GT: Are you trolling me again?  
uu: TELL ME. WHAT IT IS.  
GT: No just go google it!  
uu: I EXPLAINED CALIGINOUS ROMANCE.  
uu: THIS IS UNFAIR.  
GT: Too bad sucker im not gonna define it for you!  
uu: YOU SUCK.  
GT: (Is that a cue to start up again?)  
uu: YOU'VE BEEN MAKING EVEN LESS SENSE THAN USUAL TODAY.  
uu: WHATEVER. I WILL BE THE MORE GAY OF US. AND "GOOGLE" "MASTURBATION."  
GT: Well it really sounds obscene when you're flinging around those quotation marks like that.  
uu: YOU’RE THE ONLY OBSCENE THING HERE.  
GT: … Did you find it?  
uu: I. SHOULD NOT. HAVE GOOGLED. THAT.  
GT: Oh dont act so shocked. Thats what you were doing while we talked!  
GT: Wasnt it?  
uu: NO!  
GT: Wait really?  
uu: WHAT THE SHIT. WHY WOULD I BE DOING THAT. WHILE TALKING TO YOU?  
uu: WERE YOU. DOING THAT. MASTURBATION. THING.  
GT: Err well i thought thats where this all was going you know?  
uu: NO!!!  
GT: This is rather awkward now…  
uu: WOW. AN ACTUAL OBSERVATION. FOR ONCE.  
uu: THIS IS NOT. HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO.  
uu: IS SUPPOSED TO GO.  
GT: But thats alright!  
GT: The whole thing was a bit titillating dont you agree?  
undyingUmbrage [uu] blocked golgathasTerror [GT]

**Author's Note:**

> See more of my writing, shipping ideas, character musings, cosplay, and other nonsense at [gendersquare.tumblr.com](http://gendersquare.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thank you to [stunrunner](http://stunrunner.tumblr.com) for editing!


End file.
